Turning the corner....

Feels like maybe I've turned the corner from getting worse to getting noticeably better. My "problem" is weight -- it keeps coming off. This makes sense -- it is hard to eat....the Radiation burned my throat pretty severely and that has been healing - very slowly. Well, the pain in my throat is much less...I really can manage without the Oxycodone, although I am still taking a single dose at night to help with sleep. The "mucous" or "phlegm" in my throat seems to be getting less and this reduces the overall feeling of nausea / indigestion. This is all "not a moment too soon" because I'm really (I mean REALLY) sick of Muscle Milk and Boost. I've started forcing down yogurts (Activia and pre-blended dannons -- no chunks) and even had some soup yesterday (potato soup with the potato chunks all smashed up). Today, I forced down a mixture of avocado & tuna that Abby whipped up. Took me about 40 minutes to get down "half of a serving", which Abby said had only 100 calories -- but I'm thinking this will digest more slowly (more naturally) than the liquid diet I've been on for months. My goal is to increase my daily calorie intake to the target 2,000 - 2,500. I've been struggling to get 1,000 calories per day -- often settling for between 600 and 800 calories. (this is why I'm losing so much weight....duh!) As long as the nausea / indigestion stays away, I know I'll be able to force myself to eat. It is hard, there's a couple of "stumbling blocks". First, I have to try to avoid smelling my food. The smell signals my brain that certain tastes are coming...and, of course, those tastes never arrive. So, it is best if I don't smell the food...I try to hold my breath and keep the plate or cup far away from me. The second issue is if I'm not just drinking it down, I have to manage the urge to chew vs. the need to swallow quickly. Without saliva, when I chew, all that happens is the food in my mouth disperses. But, to swallow, you need it in a nice little wad. So, right now, chewing is not really helpful. I have to get the bite size just right and make sure there aren't choking size chunks in what I eat. Hence, my description of eating as "forcing it down". There is no taste, in fact, taste works against me (combined with smell). And each "bite" is a challenge to swallow without chewing or activating my "gag reflex". So, yeah, I've lost some weight and eating is a bit of a challenge right now. But, in order to stop with the Boost / Muscle Milk, I'll gladly push through the eating issues. Gotta get the calories up -- I think my lack of calories has been slowing down the healing process -- my body just hasn't had enough fuel to really get going with the healing. So, less pain in the throat combined with less mucous have really been the turning points. Just hope I'm not kidding myself and this really does continue to improve. I so desperately want to enjoy eating again. For about 6 weeks, all I'd do is sit and watch Food Network on TV. Mostly Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives, Good Eats, and Man Vs. Food (on Cooking Channel). But, finally, it started getting to me...making me sick just to watch. So, I've been watching DIY now -- Holmes on Homes and shows about home renovation and upgrades. My place needs some work -- there are definitely some Spring / Summer projects that are getting put on a list! So, for those reading hoping for some more upbeat news, I hope this fits the bill. I want to be honest about the struggles / side effects, though, and how I've managed them, just in case anybody reading this should happen to get the same type of treatment I got. They'd at least have a realistic expectations. I feel like the docs shielded me a bit from what was coming, choosing to only reveal things in stages as I continuously adapted to a "new normal". Even now, I'm not convinced the docs have revealed all about my "recovery" of saliva and taste. I get the "everyone is different" and "you'll notice improvement in about 6 weeks but it usually takes 6 to 12 months for full recovery". In my experience, this means that by 6 to 12 months you'll have worked out how to deal with your new normal, whatever, that is - and you'll have accepted it and moved on. So, I'll keep up the blogging as things come back...I'm still missing hearing in my left ear, saliva, taste, and who knows how my teeth have held up through this "dry mouth"...but I've done all I could manage to keep them clean and not let sugars coat them for lengths of time. Enough for now!